


The incorrect use of a fuel inlet.

by JoseyxNeko



Series: Cursed Crack Universe [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is such an understanding husband, Car Sex, Comedy, Crack, Despair, Humor, I will repent I swear, I'm so sorry, Other, Sex with a Car, That is NOT what the fuel inlet is for, Voyeurism, Worse than being into shark porn tbh, You'll never clean your car in the same way again, it was a prompt, kind of?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22352815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoseyxNeko/pseuds/JoseyxNeko
Summary: Aziraphale noticed some questionable stains across Crowley's midrift, reminiscent of engine oil. Confused about the demon's defensiveness when addressed, all became clear when Aziraphale walked into the garage to find Crowley inserting a part of himself into a very inappropriate hole.Overall Winner of O Lord Heal These Perfectly Horrid Velocipedes 'Sex with a Car' prompt. Not an award to be scoffed at, or proud of.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), The Bentley & Crowley (Good Omens), The Bentley/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Cursed Crack Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615465
Comments: 23
Kudos: 72
Collections: The Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies of OLHTS





	The incorrect use of a fuel inlet.

**Author's Note:**

> I was prompted to write a smutty/cracky 'Crowley has sex with the Bentley fic', and I wrote something not really smutty, with too much angst (see: any) for it to be pure crack.
> 
> So.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Side note: Why did this end up over 1300 words long when most people's averaged about 400? FML.

Aziraphale was overjoyed that he and Crowley were now free to admit their feelings for each other. And everything had been going well, until Crowley came to bed one night with engine oil smeared against his stomach.

When Aziraphale had addressed it, Crowley had been evasive, miracled the stain away, and had fallen asleep without touching him.

Aziraphale had quickly come to realise the meaning of the stain when, one day, he decided to take Crowley a cup of coffee in the garage of their South Downs cottage as he did 'maintenance work' on the Bentley, and walked in to find the demon with his cock inside the fuel inlet.

"CROWLEY!" he exclaimed in shock, dropping the coffee mug only to have it land safely on the workbench to his left.

Crowley jumped backwards with a "Shit! Fuck!" Zipping himself up quickly, trying to look casual. He leaned against the bonnet.

"Hey Angel! Didn't see you there. Coffee for me?" he smirked as if nothing had happened.

"What _were_ you doing to that poor vehicle??" Aziraphale asked horrified.

"Wh-whatever do you mean?" Crowley tried again for nonchalance, and failing.

"You could get serious petrol burns!" the angel answered, trying to get his head around the scene he had just witnessed.

"Oi!" Crowley pushed himself up from the car, and jabbed a finger towards it, "I'll have you know that this car hasn't even seen a fuel pump in decades. It runs on pure malice," he said proudly.

"And demon cum, apparently!" Aziraphale huffed, throwing his hands in the air, exasperated.

"It," Crowley began, "is a _good_ car!"

"And that's reason enough to stick your dick in it?" Aziraphale couldn't believe these words were leaving his mouth. He couldn't believe this conversation was even happening!

Crowley's bravado faltered, and he looked between the angel and the car. He took a step towards one, and then back to the other, before freezing on the spot and pressing his palms against his temples.

His anger rekindled. "You can't make me," he spat petulantly.

Aziraphale's brows furrowed in confusion. "Make you what?"

"Choose!" he raged. "Between you and- and the Bentley. It's been there for me when you haven't been. It's the only home I know. I-" he grit his teeth, "I love it."

Aziraphale softened. "Oh, my dear boy. I would never make you choose between us." There was a small voice at the back of his head reminding him that the Bentley was an inanimate object, and he shooed it away. "I was simply taken aback by what I saw. I never expected your fondness for the car to extend to these...levels."

Crowley's hackles went down, and he twisted his foot into the floor awkwardly. "Yeah, well, they do."

Aziraphale swallowed, unused to seeing Crowley looking so vulnerable. He forgot sometimes that underneath that cool exterior was a demon with the simple want to be loved. ...wherever he could get it.

Aziraphale walked over to the Bentley and placed a hand on the roof, giving it a stroke.

"It is quite the sexy vehicle," he offered with a smile.

Crowley's mouth twitched into a smirk, then he crossed over to Aziraphale and promptly removed his hand from the Bentley.

"Yeah yeah, get your own."

\--

After that, Aziraphale resigned himself to sharing Crowley with the Bentley ever other weekend. On the days his will was stronger, he would brave taking a beverage to Crowley in the garage, and would be apprehensive of the scenes he would find.

Some days were perfectly normal.

Crowley would be wearing a greased up overall, and would have the bonnet popped open whilst he did actual maintenance work on the engine.

"Nice grease nipples," Aziraphale said peeking inside as he placed a mug on the work bench.

Crowley hit his head on bonnet on surprise, dropping whatever tool he was holding.

"Did you learn the name of that car part just to tease me?" he asked in awe, seemingly impressed whilst rubbing his sore crown.

Aziraphale smiled deviously. "There are many kinds of books in my bookshop, and I have read them all. _Some_ of them are about cars," he said innocently.

"...right..." Crowley said, clearly not believing a word of it. He took a long sip from his mug. "I'll just be getting on then, Angel."

Aziraphale could take a hint. He kissed Crowley on the cheek and went on his way, only giving the Bentley the smallest of jealous looks at the attention it was getting. Maybe afterwards he could get Crowley to take a look at _his_ engine.

This thought only strengthened when later that day Aziraphale thought to check on him again, and found Crowley with the top half of the overalls pushed off, the arms wrapped loosely around his waist, and soapy water running down the length of his torso as he sponged the car clean.

He generously leaned over its body, nipples gliding against it as he reached as far as he could in one motion.

Aziraphale had never wanted to be an automobile more in his whole ethereal life. A broken whine escaped his lips, catching Crowley's attention.

The demon stood up, body glistening, hair pushed up in a weird quiff, and he flashed a toothy grin at the angel. He looked so... _happy_ , and at peace.

Aziraphale's trousers got a little tighter from the sight.

"How's it going, Angel?" Crowley said, clearly enjoying the reaction he was getting.

Aziraphale cleared his throat.

He _had_ intended to say: "Just checking in to see if I could get you anything?"

Instead what left his mouth was: "I wish you would scrub me down like that."

His hand flew to his mouth the moment he said it, and Crowley paused a moment, before his grin turned into a wide smirk.

He squeezed the sponge in his hand, suds dropping to the floor as he took a step towards him. "That can be arranged."

As much as the prospect of sex against the Bentley had enticed him before, Aziraphale didn't fancy a threesome at this point. And quite frankly, the thought of his clothes getting soggy mortified him.

He let out a little yelp, and backed off, using the door to the house as a shield.

"No thank you, I'm good. Maybe later in the bathroom." And he left hastily.

The third time he checked in on Crowley that day was immensely different.

Gone were the overalls, and Crowley stood in nothing but his underwear, socks, and sock garters.

Usually the sight would send Aziraphale reeling in a haze of arousal, but not today. Not right now.

Because right now Crowley was pushing himself up against the car and grunting as he rubbed the windscreen and windows down with newspaper. They shone _beautifully_.

Aziraphale didn't attempt to get his attention this time. He wasn't even sure he could at this point; as far gone as he seemed.

Crowley's straining erection was painfully apparent, and was leaving a smear against the paintwork where he rutted. As he moved along to a new spot, he'd polish out where he'd just been, mixing his essence in with the wax, leaving a perfectly reflective surface.

Aziraphale watched him move all over the car, bringing every inch to perfection, before he stopped at the hood ornament.

He wrapped a soft cloth around it and gripped it in a loose fist, dragging it up and down in broad, generous motions. Crowley's head dropped back to gaze upwards as he cleaned the ornament way more than was strictly necessary.

His movements increased. He sucked in a sharp intake of breath, and then his hips bucked forward into thin air, a great damp stain forming in the front of his underwear.

He gave the hood ornament two final tugs before stepping back and admiring his handiwork. He tilted forward to give the hood ornament a kiss.

"Until next time," he murmured lovingly.

Before he could be caught, Aziraphale rushed from the doorway and went straight to the bedroom.

He had his own wet patch he hand to deal with, and he wasn't ever planning on admitting that to Crowley.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Like, seriously. How did you make it to the end of this? Please share with me your secret in the comments. Also, comment if you enjoyed. I need to know. As always, Kudos are appreciated too, but I totally understand if none are left.
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/joseyxneko).  
> (Don't mention this story there. Just don't.)
> 
> _For those upset that this wasn't Chapter 3 of Meanwhile, it **is** coming. Be strong. I believe in you._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] The incorrect use of a fuel inlet.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23829346) by [Literarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion)




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